I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me by Rivers Joan

Author:Rivers, Joan [Rivers, Joan]
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781101580882
Publisher: Penguin Group
Published: 2012-06-05T06:00:00+00:00

THINGS NOT TO SAY AT A DINNER PARTY

The table looks great; most of the place settings match.

There’s a pubic hair in my soup and it looks like Uncle Jack’s.

Does anyone know the difference between the early signs of chlamydia and syphilis?

This steak is delicious! Ever been to a slaughterhouse? They kill the cow by driving a nail between its eyes.

You’ll never guess who lost a baby and left it in the toilet? No, really, c’mon, try to guess. I’ll give you a hint.…

Are these capers or droppings?

Did anyone ever notice that all Down syndrome kids look alike?

They said it was SIDS, but to perfectly honest, I never trusted the mother.…

How come you never see really old midgets?

Fuck the Jews.

Is it just me, or does foreskin taste funny?

Please, if I start to smell just tell me and I’ll change the bag.

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